"Move at your own pace" -- Wait, I can take a month to understand this concept? "Well, not exactly your own pace."
"It's flexible" -- Wonderful, I can take the month of December off. "Well, we're not that flexible."
"It's individualized" -- Great, so I can select the courses I want to take. "Not really, you still have to take 4 math, 4 language arts, 2 science, 2 history and obtain 24 credits to graduate."
"95% of our families would recommend us to another family" -- Wonderful, can I speak to one of them? "Yes, however, only 35% of those families are returning this year so we can find you one of those."
"We are tuition-free" -- Great, I like free. Sign me up. "Fantastic, it helps with my commission."
"If you are being bullied, gifted, struggling, homebound, homeschooled, military, college-and-career minded, we can help you" -- So that's all it takes to be successful? "Well, not really, but that's all it takes to enroll."
We can do better than this.